Don’t the wisest of all keep saying beware what you ask for because you just might get it? Then why do we ask for things that we don’t want--in the form of negations that result from our fear of failure. The intensity of our fears overpowers the desire and will to make things happen.
More than a year ago, I told Amit that I would go to Europe alone. I didn’t say this out of pride, but with remorse. There was a context in which I said this. The context is worth the mention, but I don’t wish to wear my heart on my sleeves, so I’ll skip it. The emotions behind my statement were very intense and that intensity planted the seed of my lonely Europe trip. The seed was so powerful that my anxiety and fear of traveling alone almost lost their battle.
It was the month of March when a casual conversation about planning a trip to Europe led to a significant synchronicity. During this short but zealous conversation it was decided that Savita and I would go together. More than ever I was sure this time that I had to make it. I spoke to my relative in Switzerland about our plans and she happily agreed to send us invitations to support our visa applications. Around the same time I spoke to Deepa about this trip that I was planning to make in the month of May or June. Deepa asked me to get a copy of Lonely Planet’s Europe on a Shoe String. I was so full of energy that I decided to get the book on the same day. When Savita and I went downstairs for a walk I mentioned the Lonely Planet book to her. She said Om Bookstore could deliver it to us. Now I wanted the Om Bookstore’s number—then and there! We thought of checking with some people upstairs if anybody had this bookstore’s number. As soon as we reached our bay, a bill which was lying--rather rolled up with the telephone cord--on Ravinder’s workstation, caught my attention—I got what I wanted. It was an Om Bookstore’s bill for the book that Ravinder had bought a week ago or so. Why was it lying there for so many days? Why didn’t the housekeeping guys throw it away? Why didn’t Ravinder throw it away? Who cares? I called one of the numbers that were printed on the bill and ordered my copy of Europe…. I got the book within next 40 minutes!
No matter how much we try to ignore the inseparable companion of hope, it looks straight into our eyes and reminds us of its existence. If hope gives us company all along, fear doesn’t leave us either.
I started skimming through the book over the next weekend. Obviously, I was very excited about this trip. I didn’t want to lose this chance at all. But while I was flipping through the pages, I got this strange urge to do a self-reading (tarot) about my much awaited trip. When I pulled the cards and read them, I thought it was my fear speaking to me face-to-face. The cards clearly told me that I would have to do this trip alone. I felt bad, but then I coaxed myself into believing that the cards just reflected my state of mind, and not destiny. No matter what I believed at the conscious level, the truth is, it was my destiny to go alone. Savita backed out and the anxiety of being alone in foreign places returned. I dropped the idea. For next 5/6 weeks, the Lonely Planet’s book, which was lying on my bed side, teased me every day about how close I had come to realizing my dream once, and how far from it I stood now; so far that I didn’t see any possibility of returning to it…
There was more to it than met the eyes. The conscious decision about dropping the idea couldn’t destroy the seed that I had sowed more than a year ago. Some time in the first week of May I bared my soul to a friend that I had dropped my plans. While I was saying this to her, my urge to make this trip happen returned. The next day, I filled up the visa form, collected supporting documents, took the visa appointment, and finally made it happen.
One of my unshakeable beliefs is that the desire and intensity to realize our dreams is as much a part of our destinies as the dreams themselves. The stuff we dream and desire is always in synch with the path that our souls choose to follow. Some dreams fulfill and some don’t. While fulfilled dreams bestow the sense of satisfaction first and later improve our understanding of “Neti, Neti”, the experiences that we go through on account of unfulfilled dreams stay with us longer. In both cases, we move closer to Completion--the ultimate goal of our souls.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
My Lonely Europe Trip
Until it really happened, it was a dream. At some point it seemed as if it would remain a dream; a desire would nip in the bud. Fear is always louder than hope. Isn’t it?
There is one thing that never leaves me: the awareness of being alone. This trip was another rendezvous with loneliness. The feeling of being alone hit me hard sometimes. In my life, the moments of pleasure come smeared with hurt. That’s what the nodes do when they eclipse the ascendant and descendent in the horoscope of one’s life.
Now little about my Lonely Europe trip.
Zurich in 20 Francs: On 11 June 2009, I reached Zurich with 20 Swiss Francs in the inner most pocket of my sling bag. Goes without saying, I carried my credit and debit cards too. The sprawling airport confused me more than I had imagined. The orderliness of the huge airport created chaos in my mind. I couldn’t figure out where my cousin had asked me to wait for her. I kept running between Arrival 1 and 2 anxiously. I didn’t know how to use the pay phones installed in the arrival 1 lounge. The café guy told me I could use any denomination as long as it was more than a franc. Without thinking I dropped a 5-franc coin in the socket ass-u-ming that the intelligent machine would return the balance after I hung up.
My cousin gave me a hearty laugh when she heard about my stupidity.
On the first day, I went for a walk in the Wettingen village. The serenity of the place was worth contrasting with the inescapable clamor of my city. I still remember how I wanted some people to be with me and feel the way I was feeling in those beautiful surroundings. Later in the evening I went to Zurich with a relative of my cousin--Zurich looked beautiful at night, but not out of the world.
On the 2nd day, I booked tickets for Prague and Vienna. The fear and anxiety of traveling alone were eating me inside. I boarded the train to Prague at 10.30 p.m. at Zurich HB. My cousin’s sense of humor turned out to be a good placebo and I felt lighter. Her husband told me how to lock the train cabin in which I cocooned all alone for next 15 hours. In the next cabin were 4 or 5 junkies. It became a ritual for them to peep into my cabin every time someone from their group went to the loo.
“Praha, Praha, Praha” – the junkies shouted at the Prague railway station. I had arrived! Within 10 min of walk I could figure out that very few people spoke English. The second thing I noticed when I stepped in the city center was Oracle’s tall building! The first thing was, obviously, the architecture of Prague. There is something paranormal about Prague but I cannot pin point it. Perhaps the amazing architecture made me feel that way about the city.
The city looks sensuous at night.
During my two days stay in Prague I kept feeling as if I was living in two different worlds at the same time. One world was many hundred years ago and the other one was yet to happen. My cousin’s relative’s friends kept me company in those two days. Sense of being alone and unsafe returned the second evening when they left me. I tried to sleep early that evening but I was awake till next morning.
Prague is the city where I traveled in trams for the first time in my life.
Vienna on Sore Feet: On the train from Prague to Vienna I kept praying if I could meet someone to tag along with in Vienna. But at the same time I was preparing myself to stroll around the city alone. My prayers worked. I bumped into three Indians from whom I learned a lot about Vienna. They happily included me in their group for next few hours.
Vienna has good museums. I specially liked the Leopold museum. I would like to go back to Vienna to sip coffee and drink beer in its road side cafes. These cafes adorn the old brick roads that I saw so much of in Prague and in some other European cities too. Vienna’s parliament house has enchanting Greek architecture. Everyone should see it once. The overnight train journey from Vienna to Zurich was quite comfortable. European trains are very comfortable and clean too. I slept well until my mobile phone rang. On the other side, my cousin asked me where I was. She was waiting for me on the railway station. I asked others in the cabin if I missed my station. (By the way, one never misses their station in international trains in Europe. The ticket checker keeps your passport and ticket when you board a train and he assures you to wake you up next morning 30 minutes before your station arrives.) A Swiss national who was traveling in the same cabin as mine and who also spoke English told me that the train was 2.5 hours late due to some renovation work. She was a nice human being as I learned later. When we got down at Zurich main station, she took me to the information center and collected a few maps and brochures. She marked the cities I should visit while I was in Switzerland. She spent around 30 minutes explaining how I should my trip. She told me she would SMS some more information to me after talking to her husband who knew about Swiss more than she did. She kept her words and sms’ed me info about two budget tours that I could do in Switzerland.
Heaven on Wheels (Glacier Express): I returned to Switzerland with sore feet. Rested a bit in Wettingen and went for shopping with my cousin in Baden. If my memory serves me right, I think I stayed in Switzerland for next couple of days and then went to Amsterdam, Holland. Before going to Amsterdam, I went to Zermat on Glacier Express. The route that I took was Churr to Zermat. (This is so far the most beautiful toursity trip in my life!) In my next trip to Switzerland, I plan to do the complete route (St. Morris to Zermat) and stay in Zermat for a day.
Amsterdam, on a Cloudy Day: This city turned out to be colder than I had imagined. I wasn’t carrying my jacket with me because I didn’t use it in Prague and Vienna. Thankfully I had my new sweater that I had bought in Baden, but my jacket would have been better. I bought the one-day tram pass and a map, which I never read. I didn’t use my copy of Europe on a Shoe String, either. After checking in a small room in the Kap hotel, I went around the city center on foot. I preferred walking and boarded trams only when I was very tired. Near the zoo an African guy started following me. He was whistling too. To date I don’t know what he wanted really. He was whispering in Dutch and I couldn’t fathom his monologues at all. I was scared and walked as fast as I could. Soon I reached a relatively crowded road and he went back. This incident scared me so much that I went back to my hotel and locked myself in the room for 2 hours. I went back to the city center around 5 pm and stayed there till 8. I spent these three hours in the Van Gough museum. A nice guy gave me a 15-minute ride on his bicycle and dropped me to the museum. He offered the ride because he didn’t have anything else to do. Lovely people!
The dark colors of Van’s paintings turned my thoughts toward the fact how lonely I felt. Before leaving the museum I sipped a cup of hot chocolate and ate an apple pie and then walked back to the hotel. I didn’t sleep well that night but felt healthy and fresh next morning. I checked out after the breakfast and went in the direction of Annie Frank’s house. After reaching there I changed my mind and didn’t join the queue of people who wanted to see where and how Annie Frank lived. I’m a very self-centered person. I don’t care how others live…J Across the road was a nice café where I had a cup of coffee. After some time, I boarded a city tour bus and got down near the Heineken museum where I bumped into a Singaporean woman who was traveling alone. I joined her and we went to see the Heineken museum. I really enjoyed the tour to this museum and drank beer too. After the museum we went to the botanical garden which was not all that great. She asked me if I would like to see the Red Light district. I told her I was scared... So here we said good bye and I boarded the tram that was going to the Central Station. In the tram a woman asked me where I was from and stuff like that. She felt bad when she learned that I was going to the station 3 hours early. She said she would really like to show me around some places that I might like but unfortunately her train would leave for her destination in next 20 minutes. I thanked her for her offer. She seemed to mean what she was saying. I had short conversations with many Dutch people during these two days and formed a positive opinion about them.
For some reason the Amsterdam railway station was colder than the city center. My sweater was not warm enough and due to cold I had to pee three times in three hours. (I had to pay 50 cents (Rs. 35) every time I peed) While I was eating fries in Burger King I started worrying over who I would have to share the cabin in the train. My mind started playing wicked games again. I mentally asked God to take care of the situation and send some people who I could talk to—as if he was waiting to execute my orders.
I went to the platform on which I was supposed to board my train. I saw two Indian-looking people. I asked them if they were Indians. The girl said they were Canadians and the boy said their parents were Indians. After 45 minutes or so I asked them about their bogie and berth numbers. We all jumped in surprise when we learned we were not only in the same bogie but in the same cabin too! What a synchronicity! They took a picture of our tickets for their album.
I should have asked God for something else that evening, he would not have refused.
N-E-W-S in Switzerland: I spent next 9 days in Switzerland and saw some very beautiful places. I visited Luzern, Lugano, Thun, Spiez, Geneva, Bern, Interlaken (east), Jungfrau, Fribourg, and Reign falls. While traveling around the Swiss cities I bumped into three Americans twice. I enjoyed talking to them in complete English sentences. On the train to Geneva an old lady who was sitting opposite me offered me a portion of the berries that she had got for her daughter who she was going to meet soon. Small humanly gestures mean a lot to me! When I fell asleep on the train she gently woke me up to show me beautiful scenic places from the train window. She told me a bit about her daughters, too.
I had an interesting experience in Lugano. In the Swiss Miniature museum I asked a guy how to reach the nearest railway station and to my surprise he responded in pure Hindi. He looked like a Swiss/local (not an Indian-Swiss) and for once I wondered if I was hallucinating. He told me he had spent 5 years in Himachal and he still owned a house in the hills. His father was an Indian—must be his step father because the guy didn’t have Indian features, colors, or accent at all.
Switzerland is certainly the heaven on earth! The country’s transportation is perhaps the best in the world. Not just in terms of connectivity but convenience and comfort too.
(Hi)England: I felt at home in England where Asians are a majority. The much-maligned South Hall deserves every bit of the bad reputation it has earned. I didn’t see a single white person in this area. Most restaurants in South Hall don’t accept credit cards for obvious reasons. They give kachha bills to customers. From their billboards to bill books, everything is “Made in India”. Hounslow is another area where whites don’t like to go and so is Harrow. There are many other such areas in England... Pakistanis are a majority in Manchester someone told me.
The Thames river was a big let down after crystal clear bluish lakes of Switzerland. That said, the central London is a happening place. It has got pubs, theatres, museums and what not. Whether you are an arty type or a nondescript, London always has something to suit your senses. London Tube rocks but it cannot beat the rail transportation in Switzerland. Am I comparing apples with oranges?
In the Zen café near London Eye I met a north Indian who kindly offered to arrange a free London Eye flight for me. We Indians have Jugaars everywhere in the world, don’t we? I preferred paying 17 pounds for the most talked about flight. But the nice Indian fellow gave 50% discount on the eatables I bought and I happily accepted it.
Journey is more beautiful than the destination (Edinburgh): From London I went to Halifax to meet a friend. I stayed with my friend’s family for two days and on the second day we drove to Scotland. The drive to Edinburgh was far better than the city, which was just another European city. We saw some Scottish villages on our way back to Halifax and found them to be very scenic. We should have stayed in a village the night before instead of the B&B accommodation in Edinburgh. From Halifax I went back to London rather the Stanwell village where I was staying with our family friends. In the remaining two days I visited a Casino in central London and drove around the city in a convertible BMW (don’t remember the model).
On 8th July I boarded my flight to India and here I'm...back to havoc, misery and love.
There is one thing that never leaves me: the awareness of being alone. This trip was another rendezvous with loneliness. The feeling of being alone hit me hard sometimes. In my life, the moments of pleasure come smeared with hurt. That’s what the nodes do when they eclipse the ascendant and descendent in the horoscope of one’s life.
Now little about my Lonely Europe trip.
Zurich in 20 Francs: On 11 June 2009, I reached Zurich with 20 Swiss Francs in the inner most pocket of my sling bag. Goes without saying, I carried my credit and debit cards too. The sprawling airport confused me more than I had imagined. The orderliness of the huge airport created chaos in my mind. I couldn’t figure out where my cousin had asked me to wait for her. I kept running between Arrival 1 and 2 anxiously. I didn’t know how to use the pay phones installed in the arrival 1 lounge. The café guy told me I could use any denomination as long as it was more than a franc. Without thinking I dropped a 5-franc coin in the socket ass-u-ming that the intelligent machine would return the balance after I hung up.
My cousin gave me a hearty laugh when she heard about my stupidity.
On the first day, I went for a walk in the Wettingen village. The serenity of the place was worth contrasting with the inescapable clamor of my city. I still remember how I wanted some people to be with me and feel the way I was feeling in those beautiful surroundings. Later in the evening I went to Zurich with a relative of my cousin--Zurich looked beautiful at night, but not out of the world.
On the 2nd day, I booked tickets for Prague and Vienna. The fear and anxiety of traveling alone were eating me inside. I boarded the train to Prague at 10.30 p.m. at Zurich HB. My cousin’s sense of humor turned out to be a good placebo and I felt lighter. Her husband told me how to lock the train cabin in which I cocooned all alone for next 15 hours. In the next cabin were 4 or 5 junkies. It became a ritual for them to peep into my cabin every time someone from their group went to the loo.
“Praha, Praha, Praha” – the junkies shouted at the Prague railway station. I had arrived! Within 10 min of walk I could figure out that very few people spoke English. The second thing I noticed when I stepped in the city center was Oracle’s tall building! The first thing was, obviously, the architecture of Prague. There is something paranormal about Prague but I cannot pin point it. Perhaps the amazing architecture made me feel that way about the city.
The city looks sensuous at night.
During my two days stay in Prague I kept feeling as if I was living in two different worlds at the same time. One world was many hundred years ago and the other one was yet to happen. My cousin’s relative’s friends kept me company in those two days. Sense of being alone and unsafe returned the second evening when they left me. I tried to sleep early that evening but I was awake till next morning.
Prague is the city where I traveled in trams for the first time in my life.
Vienna on Sore Feet: On the train from Prague to Vienna I kept praying if I could meet someone to tag along with in Vienna. But at the same time I was preparing myself to stroll around the city alone. My prayers worked. I bumped into three Indians from whom I learned a lot about Vienna. They happily included me in their group for next few hours.
Vienna has good museums. I specially liked the Leopold museum. I would like to go back to Vienna to sip coffee and drink beer in its road side cafes. These cafes adorn the old brick roads that I saw so much of in Prague and in some other European cities too. Vienna’s parliament house has enchanting Greek architecture. Everyone should see it once. The overnight train journey from Vienna to Zurich was quite comfortable. European trains are very comfortable and clean too. I slept well until my mobile phone rang. On the other side, my cousin asked me where I was. She was waiting for me on the railway station. I asked others in the cabin if I missed my station. (By the way, one never misses their station in international trains in Europe. The ticket checker keeps your passport and ticket when you board a train and he assures you to wake you up next morning 30 minutes before your station arrives.) A Swiss national who was traveling in the same cabin as mine and who also spoke English told me that the train was 2.5 hours late due to some renovation work. She was a nice human being as I learned later. When we got down at Zurich main station, she took me to the information center and collected a few maps and brochures. She marked the cities I should visit while I was in Switzerland. She spent around 30 minutes explaining how I should my trip. She told me she would SMS some more information to me after talking to her husband who knew about Swiss more than she did. She kept her words and sms’ed me info about two budget tours that I could do in Switzerland.
Heaven on Wheels (Glacier Express): I returned to Switzerland with sore feet. Rested a bit in Wettingen and went for shopping with my cousin in Baden. If my memory serves me right, I think I stayed in Switzerland for next couple of days and then went to Amsterdam, Holland. Before going to Amsterdam, I went to Zermat on Glacier Express. The route that I took was Churr to Zermat. (This is so far the most beautiful toursity trip in my life!) In my next trip to Switzerland, I plan to do the complete route (St. Morris to Zermat) and stay in Zermat for a day.
Amsterdam, on a Cloudy Day: This city turned out to be colder than I had imagined. I wasn’t carrying my jacket with me because I didn’t use it in Prague and Vienna. Thankfully I had my new sweater that I had bought in Baden, but my jacket would have been better. I bought the one-day tram pass and a map, which I never read. I didn’t use my copy of Europe on a Shoe String, either. After checking in a small room in the Kap hotel, I went around the city center on foot. I preferred walking and boarded trams only when I was very tired. Near the zoo an African guy started following me. He was whistling too. To date I don’t know what he wanted really. He was whispering in Dutch and I couldn’t fathom his monologues at all. I was scared and walked as fast as I could. Soon I reached a relatively crowded road and he went back. This incident scared me so much that I went back to my hotel and locked myself in the room for 2 hours. I went back to the city center around 5 pm and stayed there till 8. I spent these three hours in the Van Gough museum. A nice guy gave me a 15-minute ride on his bicycle and dropped me to the museum. He offered the ride because he didn’t have anything else to do. Lovely people!
The dark colors of Van’s paintings turned my thoughts toward the fact how lonely I felt. Before leaving the museum I sipped a cup of hot chocolate and ate an apple pie and then walked back to the hotel. I didn’t sleep well that night but felt healthy and fresh next morning. I checked out after the breakfast and went in the direction of Annie Frank’s house. After reaching there I changed my mind and didn’t join the queue of people who wanted to see where and how Annie Frank lived. I’m a very self-centered person. I don’t care how others live…J Across the road was a nice café where I had a cup of coffee. After some time, I boarded a city tour bus and got down near the Heineken museum where I bumped into a Singaporean woman who was traveling alone. I joined her and we went to see the Heineken museum. I really enjoyed the tour to this museum and drank beer too. After the museum we went to the botanical garden which was not all that great. She asked me if I would like to see the Red Light district. I told her I was scared... So here we said good bye and I boarded the tram that was going to the Central Station. In the tram a woman asked me where I was from and stuff like that. She felt bad when she learned that I was going to the station 3 hours early. She said she would really like to show me around some places that I might like but unfortunately her train would leave for her destination in next 20 minutes. I thanked her for her offer. She seemed to mean what she was saying. I had short conversations with many Dutch people during these two days and formed a positive opinion about them.
For some reason the Amsterdam railway station was colder than the city center. My sweater was not warm enough and due to cold I had to pee three times in three hours. (I had to pay 50 cents (Rs. 35) every time I peed) While I was eating fries in Burger King I started worrying over who I would have to share the cabin in the train. My mind started playing wicked games again. I mentally asked God to take care of the situation and send some people who I could talk to—as if he was waiting to execute my orders.
I went to the platform on which I was supposed to board my train. I saw two Indian-looking people. I asked them if they were Indians. The girl said they were Canadians and the boy said their parents were Indians. After 45 minutes or so I asked them about their bogie and berth numbers. We all jumped in surprise when we learned we were not only in the same bogie but in the same cabin too! What a synchronicity! They took a picture of our tickets for their album.
I should have asked God for something else that evening, he would not have refused.
N-E-W-S in Switzerland: I spent next 9 days in Switzerland and saw some very beautiful places. I visited Luzern, Lugano, Thun, Spiez, Geneva, Bern, Interlaken (east), Jungfrau, Fribourg, and Reign falls. While traveling around the Swiss cities I bumped into three Americans twice. I enjoyed talking to them in complete English sentences. On the train to Geneva an old lady who was sitting opposite me offered me a portion of the berries that she had got for her daughter who she was going to meet soon. Small humanly gestures mean a lot to me! When I fell asleep on the train she gently woke me up to show me beautiful scenic places from the train window. She told me a bit about her daughters, too.
I had an interesting experience in Lugano. In the Swiss Miniature museum I asked a guy how to reach the nearest railway station and to my surprise he responded in pure Hindi. He looked like a Swiss/local (not an Indian-Swiss) and for once I wondered if I was hallucinating. He told me he had spent 5 years in Himachal and he still owned a house in the hills. His father was an Indian—must be his step father because the guy didn’t have Indian features, colors, or accent at all.
Switzerland is certainly the heaven on earth! The country’s transportation is perhaps the best in the world. Not just in terms of connectivity but convenience and comfort too.
(Hi)England: I felt at home in England where Asians are a majority. The much-maligned South Hall deserves every bit of the bad reputation it has earned. I didn’t see a single white person in this area. Most restaurants in South Hall don’t accept credit cards for obvious reasons. They give kachha bills to customers. From their billboards to bill books, everything is “Made in India”. Hounslow is another area where whites don’t like to go and so is Harrow. There are many other such areas in England... Pakistanis are a majority in Manchester someone told me.
The Thames river was a big let down after crystal clear bluish lakes of Switzerland. That said, the central London is a happening place. It has got pubs, theatres, museums and what not. Whether you are an arty type or a nondescript, London always has something to suit your senses. London Tube rocks but it cannot beat the rail transportation in Switzerland. Am I comparing apples with oranges?
In the Zen café near London Eye I met a north Indian who kindly offered to arrange a free London Eye flight for me. We Indians have Jugaars everywhere in the world, don’t we? I preferred paying 17 pounds for the most talked about flight. But the nice Indian fellow gave 50% discount on the eatables I bought and I happily accepted it.
Journey is more beautiful than the destination (Edinburgh): From London I went to Halifax to meet a friend. I stayed with my friend’s family for two days and on the second day we drove to Scotland. The drive to Edinburgh was far better than the city, which was just another European city. We saw some Scottish villages on our way back to Halifax and found them to be very scenic. We should have stayed in a village the night before instead of the B&B accommodation in Edinburgh. From Halifax I went back to London rather the Stanwell village where I was staying with our family friends. In the remaining two days I visited a Casino in central London and drove around the city in a convertible BMW (don’t remember the model).
On 8th July I boarded my flight to India and here I'm...back to havoc, misery and love.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Will this synchronicity happen?
Scribbling my soul desire
on a 100-rupee note,
signing it with my love
on a south Bangalore road,
I gave the note away,
ancipitating it will come back to me
I still wait for this soul synchronicity.
on a 100-rupee note,
signing it with my love
on a south Bangalore road,
I gave the note away,
ancipitating it will come back to me
I still wait for this soul synchronicity.
Friday, January 16, 2009
11:11/ 911
I have been seeing 11:11 and 911 for a few months now...444 is still on...Mr. God, could you be little more specific please and stop playing the number game?
:S
:S
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Un-fated Freewill
These quotes from Viveknanda and Ralph Waldo Emerson explain in a few words what all there is to be understood about the phenomenon of freewill:
“The will is not free - it is a phenomenon bound by cause and effect - but there is something behind the will which is free.” (VN)
“ Fate is nothing but the deeds committed in a prior state of existence.” (RWE)
The mystery of existence is the mother of the fate or freewill quandary. To understand the daughter, we must first understand the mother. But, for the sake of confusion (read clarity) let’s try to understand both simultaneously.
There are all types of people in this world: those who believe in fate and those who have chosen to be free of fate by choosing freewill. There is another set of people too, that has found a middle path. This group believes that the main events are the fated milestones in the journey of life, but how we reach each milestone is under our control. My belief swings between “only fate” to “both fate and freewill”. Certainly my belief is tilted toward the middle path.
Why Don’t We Have Freewill to Change the Physical Events?
I have started watching The Hero season 1 again. So the question why can’t we change our future (read physical events) in real life enjoys the hot seat on the top most layer of my conscious mind. This morning, just before reaching the office, the thought that this question itself is unfounded oiled my mind.
Consider this: the world is a stage and we are its actors. The scriptwriter and director is, of course, God. Therefore, we are just acting upon his script and following his directions. Sounds clichéd?
God doesn’t give each of us much leeway because we are egoistic beings. So let’s say if he gives me the leeway to change the physical events in my life, I’d inevitably change the permutation and combinations (energy and matter) such that my actions will disturb the plans of those connected with me directly or indirectly. As a corollary effect, the plans of others who are connected with those whose life I have affected will also be disturbed. Moreover, if I have the power and the leeway, others have it too, which means there will be a collision of power, freedom, energy, matter. This collision will not let the world function the way it is designed to function. Point to be internalized is, each and every thing and being is intricately entwined, and therefore change in one leads to change in the other.
God is perfect. He is absolute genius. He created a perfect situation: egoistic beings who want everything their way, but no freewill—not in the way (acausal) we would want to exploit it. He created angels and demons, he created night and day, he created deserts and oceans, and he created barren and fertile lands. His game plan is clear. He wants the opposites to first fight, then unites, and finally become absolute. The power and freedom to change the physical events acausally would have destroyed his world not long after he created it. So he laid out rules: cause and effect, action and result. Whether we realize it or not, the world despite all the violence and environmental imbalances, is in perfect balance. We have both murderers and healers…
( I’m not sure how acausal synchronicity is. Jung’s notion of synchronicity is that there is an acausal principle that links events that have a similar meaning, by their coincidence in time rather than sequentially. I’d rather remove “a” from acausal and call it the casual principle of sychronicity. The similarity of meanings between two or more events creates the cause for a sychronicity to happen. Doesn’t it?)
Why Is the Question of Freewill Unfounded?
Why do we need freewill? To change something in our lives isn’t? Why do we want to change things? Is it not because we are unhappy with their current state? Why don’t we like life as it is? Why do we not understand that things are the way they should be? This is because we have divided everything into good and bad, right and wrong, pain and happiness. If we strip our minds of these categorizations, there will no longer be any need to change things, and therefore, we will not want the freewill to change events. Elimination of categories and divisions will bring a divinely harmonious order into this world. Consequentially, the question of freewill won’t arise at all.
“The will is not free - it is a phenomenon bound by cause and effect - but there is something behind the will which is free.” (VN)
“ Fate is nothing but the deeds committed in a prior state of existence.” (RWE)
The mystery of existence is the mother of the fate or freewill quandary. To understand the daughter, we must first understand the mother. But, for the sake of confusion (read clarity) let’s try to understand both simultaneously.
There are all types of people in this world: those who believe in fate and those who have chosen to be free of fate by choosing freewill. There is another set of people too, that has found a middle path. This group believes that the main events are the fated milestones in the journey of life, but how we reach each milestone is under our control. My belief swings between “only fate” to “both fate and freewill”. Certainly my belief is tilted toward the middle path.
Why Don’t We Have Freewill to Change the Physical Events?
I have started watching The Hero season 1 again. So the question why can’t we change our future (read physical events) in real life enjoys the hot seat on the top most layer of my conscious mind. This morning, just before reaching the office, the thought that this question itself is unfounded oiled my mind.
Consider this: the world is a stage and we are its actors. The scriptwriter and director is, of course, God. Therefore, we are just acting upon his script and following his directions. Sounds clichéd?
God doesn’t give each of us much leeway because we are egoistic beings. So let’s say if he gives me the leeway to change the physical events in my life, I’d inevitably change the permutation and combinations (energy and matter) such that my actions will disturb the plans of those connected with me directly or indirectly. As a corollary effect, the plans of others who are connected with those whose life I have affected will also be disturbed. Moreover, if I have the power and the leeway, others have it too, which means there will be a collision of power, freedom, energy, matter. This collision will not let the world function the way it is designed to function. Point to be internalized is, each and every thing and being is intricately entwined, and therefore change in one leads to change in the other.
God is perfect. He is absolute genius. He created a perfect situation: egoistic beings who want everything their way, but no freewill—not in the way (acausal) we would want to exploit it. He created angels and demons, he created night and day, he created deserts and oceans, and he created barren and fertile lands. His game plan is clear. He wants the opposites to first fight, then unites, and finally become absolute. The power and freedom to change the physical events acausally would have destroyed his world not long after he created it. So he laid out rules: cause and effect, action and result. Whether we realize it or not, the world despite all the violence and environmental imbalances, is in perfect balance. We have both murderers and healers…
( I’m not sure how acausal synchronicity is. Jung’s notion of synchronicity is that there is an acausal principle that links events that have a similar meaning, by their coincidence in time rather than sequentially. I’d rather remove “a” from acausal and call it the casual principle of sychronicity. The similarity of meanings between two or more events creates the cause for a sychronicity to happen. Doesn’t it?)
Why Is the Question of Freewill Unfounded?
Why do we need freewill? To change something in our lives isn’t? Why do we want to change things? Is it not because we are unhappy with their current state? Why don’t we like life as it is? Why do we not understand that things are the way they should be? This is because we have divided everything into good and bad, right and wrong, pain and happiness. If we strip our minds of these categorizations, there will no longer be any need to change things, and therefore, we will not want the freewill to change events. Elimination of categories and divisions will bring a divinely harmonious order into this world. Consequentially, the question of freewill won’t arise at all.
Friday, July 04, 2008
The Ghost and the Witch
Warning: This title is misleading!
Throughout my teenage, a ghost that I could never see or touch haunted me. It was shapeless as real ghosts usually are. Did you know that they don’t have shadows either, contrary to the belief that they are bodiless shadows? It seemed that this ghost had silently chartered my spacious mind, but then it fled soon after I bumped into a witch, who eventually rid me of this ghost.
I want to share with you how the witch rid me of the ghost that occupied my mind for so long. Goes without saying, I’ll introduce you to both, the ghost and the witch.
The ghost was disorderliness of my thoughts; my inability to think in correct order that can simplify complex situations; to perceive various pieces of a situation that can be attended to in a certain order, one by one. The ghost was the condition of my mind that always complicated things. So I would name this ghost unstructured thinking! Why I think that unstructured thinking is a ghost, because I believe that ghosts are none other than the negativities or limitations of our own mind. We create ghosts and therefore only we have the power to destroy them. The witch is the line of my career that I chose accidentally, which changed my thinking model completely. The witch is technical writing. Needless to say, only a witch can restrain ghosts.
When I wrote my first document, the witch cajoled me to gaze into her crystal ball and review the big picture. Her crystal ball revealed a simple truth that my entire life is a document, and I have the freedom to design and create it the way I want.
“How are thoughts and thinking different?”- the witch asked. Thoughts, she said, are ideas that we acquire from others. “Like writers plagiarize content.”- she laughed. Those are thoughts, not thinking, she added. Thinking is when you question everything not for the sake of questioning, but for better understanding a situation or a challenge. You will question only when you try to go deeper into things and ideas. Blindly adopting ideas and beliefs is quite like copying and pasting content from someone else’s document. Whether in documentation lifecycle or in real life, adaptation of an idea or strategy without in-depth analysis adds little value.
The crystal ball drew a parallel between the tasks that I perform as a technical writer and situations in my real life. It showed me that researching into product, domain, and technology that I write about is quite similar to identifying the purpose of my life. It made me realize how all my life I kept postponing this task assuming that the purpose will be revealed on its own accord. Perhaps I thought it was not important enough, just as an inexperienced writer I didn’t realize how important is thorough research. My first reaction to the idea of research was that I would learn about the subject matter while writing the document through trial and error. However, the realization of its importance saved me from a documentation fiasco. Similarly, shunning the task of finding out the purpose of my existence could lead to an inconsequential life.
I was told to always keep in mind the audience, what it already knows, what it expects to learn from the document, and what it wishes to achieve through the documented instructions. The witch drew an analogy between audience analysis and self-observation. It coerced me to keep in mind my strong desires, natural talents, and inclinations to achieve what I want. The witch emphasized, “The “self” is the audience in real life.”
The witch then asked me to find similarities between documentation users and we the living. I was dumbfounded! I began to mumble; the ghost was playing tricks again. The witch then tapped my third eye between the eyebrows and wisdom began to flow. I knew it!
In the world of computer programs, users learn by doing, in the real world the law of karma teaches us the lessons of life.
Like users learn by thinking and reasoning, we learn by observing each thought that crosses our mind and each action that we perform in daily life.
Like users are prone to performing actions without thinking carefully, we jump to conclusions in life.
Like they avoid planning, we rarely think how we can fulfill our most cherished dreams.
Like users detest detailed instructions, we abhor self-analysis.
Like users subconsciously apply previous learning they acquired from similar tasks, we are conditioned to behave and act in ways defined by society and people that surround us.
Like users have difficulties comprehending and fixing errors they encounter, we have problems finding the root cause of most psychological problems.
Like users use error analysis and troubleshooting information to explore their knowledge, we look into our past to see how we dealt with similar situations.
Like there is a learning strategy for each problem that users encounter, there is learning in each situation that we face in real life.
Just when I was overwhelmed with what I saw in the crystal ball, the witch drew a parallel between the role of content outline and objectives in documentation and that of listing down dreams and creating affirmations in real life. The witch said, like creating a content outline helps you focus on the crucial topics and the order in which they should be developed, listing down your dreams keeps you focused. Like writing objectives for topics enables you to cover useful and appropriate content, creating affirmations empowers you to fulfill your dreams. The witch concluded this point by saying: “If content outline serves the purpose of documentation map, affirmations become the gateway to a fulfilling life.”
The witch explained, just as minimalism ensures only that information is delivered to users, which they need to achieve their goals—nothing less nothing more, the state of silence or meditation sweeps the clutter of the mind, and from that clean slate unfurls suppressed creativity. She then drew a comparison between using only positive phrases that is, using no negatives, in documentation and always thinking positive in real life. Never say there is a bug in particular functionality, but specify the alternative (a workaround) to achieve the expected results. Likewise, never think in life that you cannot do it! Focus on how you can do what you want to.
She asked me to recall how my first troubleshooting document had helped an agitated user resolve a serious problem. “Picture him struggling with that problem in absence of the troubleshooting document.” she said. She admonished me for not using my inner strength to find right and simple solutions to problems that bother me in routine life.
“You create risk mitigation plans for your documents. However, sometimes the risk mitigation plan fails due to unidentified risks. You complain about it, but you gear up to meet the new challenges, because you know that anything less than success won’t do. So you find ways to accomplish your goals. You mitigate risks in your personal life, too. Saving a certain percentage of your salary every month is one example. But when an unknown risk quakes your life, you rarely say to yourself, “I can handle this, or this is part of life, and this too shall pass if I remain patient and face it with courage and faith.” She drew another parallel. She rotated her crystal ball and this message flashed: “If challenging documentation work gives you mental stimulation, challenging situations in life help you internalize the truth that most people just talk about.”
Before dematerializing, the witch gave me a talisman that still scares the ghost that once ruled my mind. The talisman has this message: “You will achieve the purpose of your life when you have identified who you are and what you are here for. You will be a thinker in the true sense when you follow your inner guide that shows you the path best for you; prepares you to walk on that path, and bestows the ability to meet challenges that you will face on your journey toward a fulfilling life.”
The arrival of this witch in my life is not a coincidence, because it’s the universe’s conspiracy to defeat the ghost. It’s a significant synchronicity in my life.
Throughout my teenage, a ghost that I could never see or touch haunted me. It was shapeless as real ghosts usually are. Did you know that they don’t have shadows either, contrary to the belief that they are bodiless shadows? It seemed that this ghost had silently chartered my spacious mind, but then it fled soon after I bumped into a witch, who eventually rid me of this ghost.
I want to share with you how the witch rid me of the ghost that occupied my mind for so long. Goes without saying, I’ll introduce you to both, the ghost and the witch.
The ghost was disorderliness of my thoughts; my inability to think in correct order that can simplify complex situations; to perceive various pieces of a situation that can be attended to in a certain order, one by one. The ghost was the condition of my mind that always complicated things. So I would name this ghost unstructured thinking! Why I think that unstructured thinking is a ghost, because I believe that ghosts are none other than the negativities or limitations of our own mind. We create ghosts and therefore only we have the power to destroy them. The witch is the line of my career that I chose accidentally, which changed my thinking model completely. The witch is technical writing. Needless to say, only a witch can restrain ghosts.
When I wrote my first document, the witch cajoled me to gaze into her crystal ball and review the big picture. Her crystal ball revealed a simple truth that my entire life is a document, and I have the freedom to design and create it the way I want.
“How are thoughts and thinking different?”- the witch asked. Thoughts, she said, are ideas that we acquire from others. “Like writers plagiarize content.”- she laughed. Those are thoughts, not thinking, she added. Thinking is when you question everything not for the sake of questioning, but for better understanding a situation or a challenge. You will question only when you try to go deeper into things and ideas. Blindly adopting ideas and beliefs is quite like copying and pasting content from someone else’s document. Whether in documentation lifecycle or in real life, adaptation of an idea or strategy without in-depth analysis adds little value.
The crystal ball drew a parallel between the tasks that I perform as a technical writer and situations in my real life. It showed me that researching into product, domain, and technology that I write about is quite similar to identifying the purpose of my life. It made me realize how all my life I kept postponing this task assuming that the purpose will be revealed on its own accord. Perhaps I thought it was not important enough, just as an inexperienced writer I didn’t realize how important is thorough research. My first reaction to the idea of research was that I would learn about the subject matter while writing the document through trial and error. However, the realization of its importance saved me from a documentation fiasco. Similarly, shunning the task of finding out the purpose of my existence could lead to an inconsequential life.
I was told to always keep in mind the audience, what it already knows, what it expects to learn from the document, and what it wishes to achieve through the documented instructions. The witch drew an analogy between audience analysis and self-observation. It coerced me to keep in mind my strong desires, natural talents, and inclinations to achieve what I want. The witch emphasized, “The “self” is the audience in real life.”
The witch then asked me to find similarities between documentation users and we the living. I was dumbfounded! I began to mumble; the ghost was playing tricks again. The witch then tapped my third eye between the eyebrows and wisdom began to flow. I knew it!
In the world of computer programs, users learn by doing, in the real world the law of karma teaches us the lessons of life.
Like users learn by thinking and reasoning, we learn by observing each thought that crosses our mind and each action that we perform in daily life.
Like users are prone to performing actions without thinking carefully, we jump to conclusions in life.
Like they avoid planning, we rarely think how we can fulfill our most cherished dreams.
Like users detest detailed instructions, we abhor self-analysis.
Like users subconsciously apply previous learning they acquired from similar tasks, we are conditioned to behave and act in ways defined by society and people that surround us.
Like users have difficulties comprehending and fixing errors they encounter, we have problems finding the root cause of most psychological problems.
Like users use error analysis and troubleshooting information to explore their knowledge, we look into our past to see how we dealt with similar situations.
Like there is a learning strategy for each problem that users encounter, there is learning in each situation that we face in real life.
Just when I was overwhelmed with what I saw in the crystal ball, the witch drew a parallel between the role of content outline and objectives in documentation and that of listing down dreams and creating affirmations in real life. The witch said, like creating a content outline helps you focus on the crucial topics and the order in which they should be developed, listing down your dreams keeps you focused. Like writing objectives for topics enables you to cover useful and appropriate content, creating affirmations empowers you to fulfill your dreams. The witch concluded this point by saying: “If content outline serves the purpose of documentation map, affirmations become the gateway to a fulfilling life.”
The witch explained, just as minimalism ensures only that information is delivered to users, which they need to achieve their goals—nothing less nothing more, the state of silence or meditation sweeps the clutter of the mind, and from that clean slate unfurls suppressed creativity. She then drew a comparison between using only positive phrases that is, using no negatives, in documentation and always thinking positive in real life. Never say there is a bug in particular functionality, but specify the alternative (a workaround) to achieve the expected results. Likewise, never think in life that you cannot do it! Focus on how you can do what you want to.
She asked me to recall how my first troubleshooting document had helped an agitated user resolve a serious problem. “Picture him struggling with that problem in absence of the troubleshooting document.” she said. She admonished me for not using my inner strength to find right and simple solutions to problems that bother me in routine life.
“You create risk mitigation plans for your documents. However, sometimes the risk mitigation plan fails due to unidentified risks. You complain about it, but you gear up to meet the new challenges, because you know that anything less than success won’t do. So you find ways to accomplish your goals. You mitigate risks in your personal life, too. Saving a certain percentage of your salary every month is one example. But when an unknown risk quakes your life, you rarely say to yourself, “I can handle this, or this is part of life, and this too shall pass if I remain patient and face it with courage and faith.” She drew another parallel. She rotated her crystal ball and this message flashed: “If challenging documentation work gives you mental stimulation, challenging situations in life help you internalize the truth that most people just talk about.”
Before dematerializing, the witch gave me a talisman that still scares the ghost that once ruled my mind. The talisman has this message: “You will achieve the purpose of your life when you have identified who you are and what you are here for. You will be a thinker in the true sense when you follow your inner guide that shows you the path best for you; prepares you to walk on that path, and bestows the ability to meet challenges that you will face on your journey toward a fulfilling life.”
The arrival of this witch in my life is not a coincidence, because it’s the universe’s conspiracy to defeat the ghost. It’s a significant synchronicity in my life.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Synchronicity of “The Lovers”
Osho’s Zen Tarot and I enjoy an unspeakably beautiful connection. It has happened many times in the past that I could see in my mind’s eye the card I would pull after spreading the deck. So, today is one of those days when Osho zen tarot and I are telepathically connected.
This morning, when I opened www.osho.com to choose a card for the day, the first thing that I noticed was the image of “The Lovers” card (VI of major arcana) in the collage that has 6/7 card images. I instantly new I’d get this card. The principle of ask and you shall be given was really at work in that moment. I clicked the card for the day link under the all cards (major + minor aracanas) section, and to my surprise I got The Lovers card.
Such incidents leave me wondering whether it’s the power of my mind that makes things happen, or it’s really the case that I can see them before they happen.
This morning, when I opened www.osho.com to choose a card for the day, the first thing that I noticed was the image of “The Lovers” card (VI of major arcana) in the collage that has 6/7 card images. I instantly new I’d get this card. The principle of ask and you shall be given was really at work in that moment. I clicked the card for the day link under the all cards (major + minor aracanas) section, and to my surprise I got The Lovers card.
Such incidents leave me wondering whether it’s the power of my mind that makes things happen, or it’s really the case that I can see them before they happen.
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